Feeling run around.

I’m  having one of those days where every SINGLE person around me is annoying me. I know it’s not them,,I think  it’s because I’m stressing about a few things.

1. My job transfer,,,I think I’m getting the run around. We have transfer request forms at work. So I fill one of those babies out, hand it into Personnel, speak to the personnel mgr, wait a few days , call leave a message to said personnel mgr, no answer.

Yesterday, I went into work only to find out I’m not scheduled to work,,,argghhh. I tell myself no biggie,,,take the opportunity to go in and see if the personnel mgr has any answers.

I’m told by the personel mgr,,that I need to get in touch with the store I want to want to transfer too and see if they have any jobs available. (Ok,,what’s the Job Transfer forms for?). And until that time the store mgr will NOT sign the transfer form.

Ok, I call the personnel mgr at the store I would like to transfer too, let me point out that I originally started my career with this company at this store.

I’m told that I need to fill out a Transfer Request Form at my current store!!!!!! Double ARGGGHHH!!!  see my frustration??  I explain my situation and I’m told yes,,they have positions for what I’m looking for. And to get the transfer form filled out and signed by the Store Mgr and District Mgr,,at the store that I’m currently at.

I call back to my store,,,of course get the voice mail of the personnel mgr. I leave a msg,,,and at this moment,,,I am still waiting for a return call,,,but,,I know for almost absolute certainty that I won’t get a return call. I plan to go into work AGAIN this evening and fill out the transfer request form again with a note that I spoke to the other store and that yes, they do have positions and to please get this form signed!

I am trying to be patient and not to drop the gun and over react and go back to my old way of thinking that “everyone is out to get me and make me unhappy”.  I am implementing my CBT lessons, using the What If, questions and answers:

What’s the worst that can happen? I can be told that the store mgr, or district mgr still won’t sign my transfer forms.

What is the likely hood that this will happen? Probably not that high, eventually it will work it’s self out after all,,I have been told and have seen it documented in my work file that I am an exemplorary employee, with no written warnings.

What is my plan if my worst fear happens: To ask why? and if not acceptable to me,,to take the issue to a higher authority,,at Home Office.

See,,,should be easy right?? Still I worry!

2. I’m also worrying about my upcoming court appearance next wednesday for my charge of driving Driving without Insurance. I have been in contact with the Canadian Mental Health Assoc. Court Diversion person. And they have told me to bring a letter from my Dr. stating my psychological state during the time my insurance got cancelled, and with my perfect driving record the charge should be dropped. Still I worry.

I also have concerns about dizzy spells that I have been having and I have noticed that I’m having bouts of really Happy feelings and then feeling Down feelings every few days.  Because I have gone down to part-time I have lost my medical insurance and my health subsidy still has not arrived, I have not been able to afford one of my really expensive drugs, so I haven’t been taking it for about 6 weeks. Add to that I can’t get to my psychiatrist because I am now not driving because I can’t afford insurance,,it’s all OVERWHELMING.

I’m walking to my General Dr.’s office today to speak to him about getting the note for the courts,,and I will mention my feelings that I am experiencing,,,,but I know he will tell me that I need to get in and see my Psychiatrist,,,sigh,,,

Moving,,and am I wrong to feel this way & other ??’s

If you follow along on my main Blog  Just Another Canadian Gurl, you know that back earlier in May, I was excited about moving back into the  City of Barrie. Now it’s not as Grand as the City of Toronto,,,but it is one of the Country’s fastest growing City’s. It has a Public Transit System and is close to the GO Bus and Train Stations to get wherever you need to go. Here’s a link to the post about me finding the perfect room to live,,whilst going back to College. Here It Is.

While school is “supposed” to start July 16th (I’ll believe that when I’m actually there).  I have decided wether it starts or not, I need to move. And, I’m lucky enough to still be able to move into that super awesome place I was so excited to have found!

I’m excited to be  getting my life back on track, and doing what’s best for me.

I’m also doing it because I know that I can’t live underneath the Ex’s roof any longer. Now don’t get me wrong, I am really, really appreciative of him letting me stay here, while I was struggling with my Depression and Bi-Polar, and during the adjustments of my meds and counselling.

But, I can no longer endure his parenting when it comes to our children. He is a man that believes the only way to win the love of his kids is by buying it. Even when they are lazy, and disrespectful and mean to there Mother.

I by no means am saying that I am perfect, because I am NOT. However, now that I am doing and feeling better. I will stand up for myself and demand the respect that as a Mother I deserve.

When, I move out, I will no longer allow myself to be called names, bullied, or made to feel that everything in their lives is my fault because there father and I divorced well over 10 years ago. I know that it’s just a way to hurt me and to get what the “material” thing is they want at that moment. As for the divorce,,that was between their father and I and they need to GET OVER IT!

I will no longer, just hand over money to them on a whim, especially to the 18 year old. This kid has dropped out of school (of course all my fault for ruining her life, once again). She NEEDS to get a job,,,but, she’s too good to work at Mc Donalds, or as a Cashier at a Grocery Store. Still daddy,,,just placates her and gives her all the money she “needs” to do what she wants including buying and smoking pot and sleeping all day. He knows this as I have told him,,,but chooses not to do anything.

This kid is going to have to learn life the HARD way.

But, I regress,,,there is many more things,going on in this house that I don’t agree on. So it is time for me to put on my big girl panties and no longer rely on my Ex and move on with my life.

However, even though I know this is the right and healthy thing to do. There is still apart of me that is scared, and that feels guilty.

I feel scared that by making this move,, my kids will choose not to see me at all. Stupid I know,,,but hey,,if momma isn’t going to let us walk all over here and buy us what we want,,,why go see her?  And,,,the guilt,,,is I guess from while being sick not standing up for myself, and having my voice heard.

Another reason for the move,,is that I am now starting to hear around the house from all 3 of them,,,is the good ‘ol,, you need to just “get over it”,,and the “your not sick anymore, stop using it as a excuse”.   One of the main things that I have learned along this journey, is that what I truly have is a Disease and it’s not something that I can “just get over” and “ignore”. I need to learn to live with this Disease.

On another note, I am struggling with some questions that I need some input from my blogging friends that are living with mental illness. And, that is just how much about your illness do you disclose to your Employeers, and in my case at this moment, my future Landlords?

I haven’t told them about my problems, one because I didn’t NOT want to get this super place, and two because I didn’t want them to think that I’m some wacko who is unstable and not safe to be around.

When it comes to work,,the people in charge know my problems mostly because I basically fell apart right in front of their eyes over a period of many months until being hospitalized and having to take time off.

With this move, I need and have put in for a transfer to the city for the same company. Can they legally discuss my Mental Health Illness, and can my past problems be a excuse for not being transferred?

JUST HOW MUCH DO YOU DISCLOSE?

 

I was perusing thru other Blogs today and I found this post that I thought was truly meaningful and on the spot!

Believer's Brain

“Pull Yourself Together“

Some people assume that depression is a state we can fall into when not paying attention. A natural, but lazy response to modern life. They assume that if we wished to, we could stop feeling depressed, by pulling ourselves together – by forcing ourselves out of a depression and into the required normal/happy mood of the speaker.

This has never been my experience. I can, it is true, put on a front of being not-depressed, certainly when I am not at my worst periods of depression. I can and do try to stop others noticing that I am depressed, partly because I want to avoid statements like this. Also, I view my depression as not being any stranger/acquaintance’s business. I can try, but often fail, to look just like everyone else.

I cannot, however, make myself not-depressed by willpower. I don’t think many with clinical depression (as…

View original post 957 more words

On days like this,,,I can start to feel the depression,,,,,

It’s raining, absolutely pouring outside, and it’s forecasted to last alllll weekend. We were told all week that this rain was coming. And, we definately need it, there is fire bans everywhere,  it will keep our grass green and get rid of the film of dust on everything.

I remember when I used to look forward to days like these, rainy or snowy. I would wake up and declare to myself  it to be “National Pajama Day”

The day would consist of watching Trashy T.V, Chick Flicks, Warm,Sensational smelling Bubble Baths, and lots of Junk Food. Topped off with a nice homecooked meal of Beef Stew with Homemade Bread & Deserts. (Sometimes if the kiddo’s were lucky they were invited too!)

Those were the days before the Depression.

Before the depression, I would have these days,,,it would be a one day “Pajama Day”,,,that’s it one day, and the next day I would get up go to work and carry on with my life.

Now, I dread and actually fear Rainy or Snowy Days,,,because these days are when I have to battle with myself not to spiral from it being just being a  Pajama Day to a full out  psychotic episode. Where I end up in my bedroom, under the covers, crying, feeling paranoid, and worthless.

With my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (C.B,T)

I have learned ways to help deal with this behaviour, and I can honestly say that today is one of the main tests of what I have learned.

So,,today I am going to focus on not going down to my bedroom and just climbing in my bed.

I will find things to keep me busy and if I have too make myself do these things I will.

I will take a shower and do my hair and makeup, I will get dressed, instead of staying in my p.j’s.

I will do the dishes, do the 4 loads of laundry that need to be done and even FOLD the laundry.

I will do a Blog Post (tick that box off now!) And, I will read my smutty book of :

Fifty_Shades_of_Grey  

I will NOT use any alcoholic beverages to deal with my feelings of depression like I used too because that only makes it worse.

I WAS supposed to go out to a Girls Night Out Bonfire, but because of the rain, it was cancelled, because I knew this was a probability. I have a back up plan and if my Ex will lend me the car this evening, I will be going to see this Movie:

First Rainy Day Down,,,,the rest of the wknd to work on!!!

How do you deal with days like this and your Depression?

 

I know that I’m starting to feel better because….

For 3 Reasons:

 

Reason #1,,,,,I am simply, simply bored at home, and I want to get out and be around people once again.

Reason#2,,,,,I am starting to work 4 out of 7 days as of next week, so that should help my boredom and make me some moola, to be able to go out & about .

Reason#3,,,,,I have been invited to a “All Girls Bonfire Party” this upcoming Friday, and although we can’t have the said Bonfire, because of a Fire Ban,,,,I am still looking forward to going!! Normally, I would make excuses to my friends and to myself why I couldn’t make it.

So Yaaayyyy for me! Yes, I’m feeling good right now,,but always in the back of my mind is the scarey feeling of “when is this feeling going to suddenly stop”. I am still working on ignoring or prioritizing  the likely hood of this happening and what I can do to avoid these negative feelings from invading my thoughts. But still I’m in a good place 🙂

Canadian Gurl Bucket List

 

Since my diagnosis earlier this year, and with the treatment/medication and counselling I’ve had. I can honestly say that I am beginning to see a glimmer of the old me from years ago, and that’s a good thing 

And after reading the book Eat Pray Love, I’ve realized that I need to make myself a Bucket List,,,10 months ago, this wouldn’t be possible. I would’ve just rather’d of gone to my room and buried myself in my bed and cry. Sooo, just being able to making this list,,for me is a great feat!

So here it is (drum roll please).

1. To go back to school and get my Dental Assistant Certificate (again),,this one I’m actually working on,,that is if the god damn school would actually start the course.

2. Get a good paying job at above Profession,,,that will allow for me to take time off at times to travel.

3. Move into a nice Condo/Apt. on Lake Simcoe,,in Barrie, Ont. (working on that one,too,,planning to move to Barrie,,by Sept).

4. I want to Travel to England,Scotland and Ireland. To see where my ancestors came from, but most of all to go to the location of my most favorite English show,,,,,CORONATION STREET!!!!!

5. I’d also like to Travel to France, Italy, Greece, Hawaii, Australia and New Zealand.

6. When I do my travelling to these Countries, I’d like to meet my fellow Bloggers,,,that I follow!

7. To do a Cooking Network, Eat Here/Diner,Drive In’s& Dives, You Gotta Eat Here,,,tour thru the U.S & Canada

8. When I go to the CNE (The Canadian Exhibition),,,to sit all day if I want,,and watch the Food Network stars, and shows (gonna do that one this year for sure!)

9. When I retire I am going to become a Snow Bird,,and spend 5 months of the year living in a beautiful condo, in my most favourite Mexican City,,Puerto Vallarta

10. To make a little bit of Moola, from my Blogs to be able to add to my travelling abroat bank account.

I’m sure I have more,,,and I will add them,,when I think of them.

 

 

 

 

Stigma or Funding,,,that is the question??

I’m not one to read alot of newspapers, but this article caught my eye on Facebook, thru the Canadian Mental Health Association:

Removing Mental Health Stigma Bigger Problem than Funding

Chris Wattie / The Canadian Press

Canada needs to deal with the stigma surrounding mental health issues before it can go on to tackle funding questions, says federal Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq.

OTTAWA — Canada needs to deal with the stigma surrounding mental health issues before it can go on to tackle funding questions, says federal Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq.

Now that the country has a new, national, mental health strategy, all levels of government, businesses and health-care professionals need to confront the prejudices that prevent many people from seeking help, Aglukkaq told The Canadian Press in an interview on Tuesday.

Then, authorities should restructure their services accordingly, to make sure people struggling with mental health issues feel confident enough to seek help and receive the appropriate attention, the minister said.

Related

• Canada’s mental health system is turning prisons into ‘asylums of the 21st century:’ report
• Tory crime bill will make matters worse for mentally ill: expert

“The first step is to get past the stigma and get people talking about mental health to determine better what kinds of services we can provide,” she said in an interview from Geneva, where she led a round table on mental health during a global discussion on improving health care.

The Mental Health Commission of Canada released its much-anticipated national strategy earlier this month, recommending billions of dollars more in investment — along with a radical overhaul in the way Canadians interact with mental health professionals.

The commission’s work shows that everyone involved in the mental health system needs to do things differently, but confronting damaging stereotypes comes first, Aglukkaq said.

“These are different models that can only be developed as we get past the stigma.”

While the commission’s recommendations for change have been well received, its calls for more money are contentious.

That’s because provincial governments are already dealing with rising health-care costs. At the same time, the federal government has announced plans to significantly scale back its annual increases in health care spending over the coming decade — even as some provinces struggle with debt.

As a result, provinces are expected to increase pressure on Ottawa to add a new mental health funding stream to its transfer payment package. The premiers meet in July in Halifax and appeals for specific and increased mental health funding will likely be front and centre, several Ottawa sources say.

But in the interview, Aglukkaq deflected every question about increased federal funding.

Instead, she said the federal role is to fund research into depression, dementia, homelessness and efficient delivery of care.

“We are taking the leadership role by creating the Mental Health Commission of Canada,” she said.

Providing better mental health care does not necessarily mean more money, she added. It could also mean that provinces take existing funding and make mental health care more of a priority, as Nova Scotia has done recently, she said.

The head of the Canadian Psychological Association says there’s no doubt that the stigma over mental health needs to be a central focus for everyone involved in the delivery of services — but not to the exclusion of funding and access to proper care.

Karen Cohen says stigma is only one challenge people face as they struggle to confront mental health issues. The other big problem is that the country has a well-established, two-tier system of mental health care that desperately needs a change.

“It’s a minority of people with mental health problems who seek help,” she said in an interview. “Part of that is related to stigma. People think you should just get over it, they’re ashamed to admit it to themselves, they feel people won’t be accepting — and often they’re not.

“The other piece is access. Even when people come out and ask for services, there are great barriers.”

Psychologists are the largest group of specialized mental health care providers, she said, but they are often only available to people who can afford to pay them more than $100 an hour, or work for a company that includes extended health care benefits.

That’s because psychological services are not covered by medicare unless the psychologist in question is on the payroll at a public institution such as a hospital, school or correctional centre, Cohen said.

And in those cases, the waiting lists are often so long that the will power it took for someone to actually seek help evaporates, she said.

She agreed that existing funding can be put to much better use. But she thinks governments will see the case for more investment too.

Since research shows that early intervention in mental illness can prevent serious developments over the long term, governments will see the wisdom and economy of setting up teams that can address mental health issues thoroughly, Cohen said.

“It really is going to take a village. We have a collaborative responsibility.”

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK??? 

So what I’m a little crazy,,,aren’t we all???

Hi there!!!

I’m a 40ish single girl from Angus, ON, Canada (about a hour north of Toronto).

I have been diagnosed this past Feb, 2012 as having Bi-Polar, Anxiety Disorder and Depression, to most this would make people think,,”wow, sucks to be her”.  Not, to me,,,it made me sigh a HUGE sigh of relief, to FINALLY,,know what was going on with me and now I can learn to deal with it and become the happy, laughing girl I once was.

I want  to “live the dream”, for the second half of my life!

I made this Blog as a seperate branch from my main Blog named:

Just Another Canadian Gurl

Mostly because, I felt the need to have a seperate blog dedicated to the different branches that someone with my problems has to deal and learn about everyday.  I wanted a seperate kind of place specifically where I can have different pages and links dedicated to Mental Health Issues. With a Blog Roll of the many people all around the World, that I have recently met thru different blogs, that are living with the realities that I am also living with.

I invite you to follow me, on the ups and downs,realization of dreams  & the joy of accomplishments, and the many A-HA, moments that are to come!!

And on a final note I leave you with a clip of a video,,,of comedian Michael McDonald. I watched this show last wknd and laughed so hard, and at the end of it I realized, “Hey,,I wanna be just like Pat Elliott”!!